Friday, July 10, 2009

Nesting vs. Wanderlust

'Round and round and round she goes; where she stops, nobody knows.
I had a delicious dinner with friends last night at their adorable beach-cottage hideaway.
It was charming and idyllic-- blossoming garden, pretty cats perched everywhere, amazing dinner, pink cocktails in fancy glasses, a tiny cake, laughter, camaraderie, and, as I made my way through the darkness to my car afterward, the scent and sound of the Pacific Ocean.
For the briefest moment, I wished to settle down in a similar situation. For the briefest moment, I recalled that I was once a nester who loved the ocean.

My heart did a little tumble, but I got it back under control, cranked up the music and drove away.

What was in that little house was once my dream.

Now I don't know what I want exactly, and I can't quite tell who I am -- other than a woman in transition: divorced, children mostly grown, education mostly complete.

By the time the dust settles, the next chapter of my life will have made itself clear. All I know is this: I will be a teacher and a grandmother. The question is where?

If I were in a happy, comfy relationship, I would love to live in a little house by the ocean like that.

But by myself, all I want to do is travel. Work a little, then travel. Repeat.

It is quite the dichotomy, between globetrotter and homebody. No wonder I talk to myself in the car all the time.
P.S. I am really learning Swedish from tapes, but I'm sure it looks pretty comical to passing motorists.

P.P.S. Thanks, Kelly P., for the better title.


sarah bellum said...

I have too much respect for the power of the ocean (and the fog) to want to live there! It is akin to my feelings for the city, a place I love to visit but know better than try to settle in. I have a similar dichotomy within me in my desire to travel, wrestling with my deep-rooted homebodiness! Finally, transitions are tricky but often surprise us with a wonderful, unpredictable date with destiny!

Indie said...

It's true, they live in the Tsunami Zone. I saw signs everywhere.

Hombody vs. traveler: Maybe it's like dogs, you know? They're so EXCITED when they get to GO in the car!!! Wooo-hoooo! And when they get back they are SO EXCITED to be HOME!!!! Woo-hoooo! I will take a page out of the dog's book; I'll be just as delighted to come home as I am to go on an adventure. :)

Finally, I truly love the phrase "a wonderful unpredictable date with destiny."

Starlene said...

Sounds like me. I'm torn. I was torn before I was married...I'm married now and I'm still torn. I'd like to think it's just because I haven't found "home" yet. But when I do, I'll still want to travel.

(I found myself musing just yesterday...well, I can settle down in Colorado in this life, but in the next life...after Brendan and I find each other again, of course...maybe we can settle near the Black Forest in Germany, or maybe British Columbia.)

I wonder, from where does the wanderlust come?

Anonymous said...

Someone around here was born under a wandering star, a wandering, wandering star.

Indie said...

Starlene, you don't have kids yet, right? You definitely need to get out there and explore. I hope a vacation adventure happens soon!

Kristabel said...

Indie, the first time I ever read your blog was the post you wrote about gypsies, and I instantly felt a wanderlust kinship with you. I've been reading ever since and love your positivity and openness to adventure. Can't wait to hear all about your latest.

And that picture, by the way, is stunning.


Anonymous said...

Hi K! When did the divorce thing happen? This passed me by totally unnoticed, and you seem a bit offended by my joking that your counting down annoys me, and you'll better get your little hiny to Germany quick...! Miss reading from you, knowing about you *crying* ;-P That would be so very cool if you'd really make it over here. Hugs, R.

Indie said...

R, not offended at all!! I totally wish a side trip to Germany were possible and I would very much love to see you!!

I am a little nervous about the heat you describe and wonder if it is the same in Sweden. Heat and I do not get along! haha! No one seems to have an air conditioner in Europe either. I will drink lots of iced tea.