Monday, November 9, 2009

Rome Wasn't Built in a Day

I finally got down to the business of actually writing my thesis today.

As opposed to seemingly endless research and reading. As opposed to sorting out my previous work, three different papers, under the headings of my thesis sections. And as opposed to crafting a comprehensive works cited section.

In other words I have done everything under the sun to get out of the process of actually writing.

But today, I finally worked: writing, creating, expressing the complexity of my ideas. Trying to lay them out in an orderly fashion without being too dry.

I didn't actually write all day, although I was a virtual prisoner in my apartment, held captive by the necessity to get something done.

All I have to show for it are 511 words that were harder to extract (from what seems like my very soul) than wisdom teeth.

When I look through my other writings on the same subject matter, I seem so fluent that I hardly recognize myself. Why can't I do that this time?

I think of all these American idioms to express difficulty, and they speak to me.

I am out of my depth and in over my head. I have bitten off more than I can chew.

But I can't escape the imperative to write this damn thing. I either write it or I fail. I'm between a rock and a hard place. I have no other choice except to get it done, but I don't feel like I can.

Then again, if it weren't difficult, if it weren't soul-wrenching, then I suppose it wouldn't mean much. And without this baptism of fire, I could never expect the academics to welcome me to their fold.

P.S. Is it any wonder I can't write when all I have to offer are bouquets of cliches?


steviewren said...

Never fear...all will be well...give it some time...everything will be coming up roses before you know it.

Anonymous said...

Leaving things to the last moment, then completing the task in a blaze of glory is part of ADHD. It seems that having a looming deadline getting nearer and nearer finally puts so much pressure on a person, they finally have the power to really focus on the task at hand. So I, like steviewren, believe you will complete your work successfully and on time.

But I won't tell you to relax. That might reduce the pressure you need to focus and succeed!

There will be time to relax after your work is done.

Best wishes always!

Indie said...

Thanks for the encouragement, guys! I really appreciate it and need it in order to get by!

Anonymous, you may be entirely right, since you're describing my entire history of accomplishments.
I am getting down to the wire and finally getting something done.