Monday, March 2, 2009

Hope Springs ... Eventual

It has been 10 days since my last blog entry. I write that as if I were entering a confessional and you, Dear Reader, were my confessor.

I've missed blogging! For awhile there I was doing it so frequently that it was like second nature. Even while events were occurring in my life, I was already transforming them mentally into a post for the Bitten Apple.

But over the last 10 days my time with the internet has been stolen time, between classes or between stories to be edited or in brief moments after dashing into an eerie, deserted office to check my email very quickly.

This is not conducive to the relaxed, expansive state I apparently have to enter in order to blog. And my knack of transforming experience into a friendly little post is getting rusty.

March is my birthday month, the month when daffodils spring up through the grass and wave merrily at you under the grey sky. I love March, usually.

But this year, March is just going to be another hurdle to traverse, another thing to survive. When it's past, and it will pass, a lot of important deadlines will be behind us and important decisions will be made.

I would tell you the details but they are not pretty. They're drudge, heartache, faint shame and broken dreams. They're tender flesh caught in the merciless steel wheels of bureaucracy.

There is, thank God, a spring break in the midst of March where school won't be competing with everything else for my energy and time.

When I get a chance, I'll check in.

9 comments:

Kym said...

I'm glad you wrote a post I was just getting a bit worried.

Happy Birthday month. I share it with you. I wish I could share a little peace with you, too.

steviewren said...

I hope everything is working out for the best. Change is never easy. Take care.

Kato said...

"tender flesh caught in the merciless steel wheels of beaurocracy".... OK, that was a metaphor worth 10 days wait!

I won't presume to offer you advice on getting through whatever it is this month holds for you, but send you silent support, little as it might help.

heraldo said...

Hang in there, Indie. Spring is coming. Happy Birthday.

Anonymous said...

Now I'm gonna find out exactly WHEN you're birthday is K, believe me that *lol*! No need for shame or anything, we all struggle with what is called THE REAL LIFE at times... ;-/ You at least will have spring break, us poor Germans will continue to struggle until mid April (Easter break) and then again until mid May (Whitsun break). And this is 31 days... a loooooooong month *sigh* :( So, I hear you, and I'm right with you. Keep up the good work and don't you worry about us readers, we'll just simply continue to suffer, not being able to read your blogs more regularly... ;-PPP Hugs, R.

Kristen said...

Dear Indie,

Well ... speaking of absences: Here I appear again! :)

I could wax poetic of pain, but I will settle simply to say that there is so much to wax poetic about only because we have all (or will all have) those excruciating times when our heart, soul, faith, and spirit are tenderized and juiced. Above all, know yourself and be proud of the human BEing you ARE: I am proud of how you stand as yourself through this, and I yes, I'm gonna say it: and I love you.

Take exquisite care of beautiful you! And be loved by friends and self this birthday month. . . . HUGS!
Lots of Love,
Kristen

Anonymous said...

The seasons run their course, cyclically, from one to another, and onward again.

So, too, do our personal seasons run cyclically, from one to another, and onward again.

When the weather is most severe, and the world seems its harshest, what brings us through it to the warmth and growth of Spring?

Faith. Faith that this trial will soon be over. Faith that the promised Springtime will soon - eventually - arrive.

Indie said...

Anonymous, that reminds me of something in one of my favorite books, Little, Big by John Crowley. A character in the novel is a writer of children's books and he has one that asks, What is Brother North Wind's secret? After a long time the secret is revealed: spring is never far behind him.

How nice to find all these encouraging words here. Thank you all very much.

I am writing to you from the floor in the back room, beside a tangle of cords, practically sitting in a closet. My internet is going again, but now I have to reconfigure my wireless router and I will have to wait until this evening for time to do that. *sigh*

beachcomber said...

Your opening was indeed one of a Catholic girl....say one "Hail Mary" and a greeting to the patron saint of bloggers - we must have one.

Hopefully the SAD (Seasonal Affected Disorder) won't affect your birthday. The beautiful afternoon brought hope to all of us.